Lethal Morons

Apparently, Mel Gibson and Danny Glover are gearing up for yet another installment in the Lethal Weapon franchise. So far, this reporter has learned that the working title for this episode is Lethal Weapon 5: Morons on Parade. This time Sergeants Martin Riggs & Roger Murtaugh will be going undercover to expose a plot by an Israeli Movie Cartel and Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez to bring the “American Empire” to its knees.
The film will open with an undercover Riggs speeding down the Pacific Coast Highway in an apparent drunken rage. After being stopped by the police, Riggs (who is undercover as a huge Hollywood superstar) begins berating the officers in an attempt to get arrested so he can infiltrate the Lost Hill Sheriff's Station – the supposed home of the Israeli Movie Cartel ‘JAM’ (Jews and Movies). When Riggs says things to the cops like “F***ing Jews, the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world”, and “What do you think you're looking at, sugar t**s?” He is immediately arrested and brought in to the Lost Hills stationhouse.
Once he’s been incarcerated, the ever out-of-control Riggs keeps the attention of the officers by acting like a caged monkey, destroying a payphone, and threatening to urinate on the floor of his cell. All the while, Riggs is secretly listening in on the conversation in the next room between JAM leader Ignotta Larue (played by Barbara Streisand) and Malibu Police Chief Mort Weintraub (played by first-time actor Michael Eisner). After learning that JAM is in cahoots with Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez (played by Lou Diamond Phillips), Riggs uses his one phone call to inform his partner Murtaugh what he has learned.
Murtaugh, also undercover as a big Hollywood actor, immediately heads to New York City where Chavez is expected to speak at the UN. Feigning support for Chavez’s radical anti-American tirades, Murtaugh befriends the Venezuelan president and attempts to infiltrate his organization in order to better understand his connection to JAM.
Needless to say, after many hair-raising car chases, explosions, wacky antics, and blazing shootouts, Riggs and Murtaugh bring down JAM, Hugo Chavez and all their henchmen - emerging victorious. The film ends with Riggs, Murtaugh, Leo Getz, and Lorna Cole sitting on a tropical beach sipping margaritas.
I can’t wait….

Flaming Pope On A Rope

Once again, the fanatical Muslim world is angry and upset. Everyone stop what you’re doing, and look at the poor offended Muslims! This time, in a speech at Regensburg University in Germany, Pope Benedict XVI quoted a 14th century Christian emperor as referring to elements of the Muslim faith as "evil and inhuman." Even though the Pope was quoting an ancient text, the “Muslim world” has once again shown their true nature of violent irrational behavior surrounding this latest incident. The following passage in the Pope’s speech is what reportedly caused all the hoopla: "Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." Apparently, this quote was so offensive to Muslims that one of the groups of ‘victims’ released the following statement in their defense: “We shall break the cross and spill the wine (...) God will (help) Muslims to conquer Rome ... (May) God enable us to slit their throats, and make their money and descendants the bounty of the mujahideen.” They also showed their anger by burning & vandalizing several Christian churches, along with murdering a Catholic nun in Somalia… because they were offended.
I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but somehow I just don’t get it. I try to follow the logic of these people but it’s a little difficult given the fact that they’re, well, total morons. This latest episode just goes to show their lack of a grasp on reality. According to this brand of Muslim logic, if someone accuses you of stealing something, the proper way to protest your innocence is by going out on a shoplifting spree. Burning a few flags and threatening to murder whole populations doesn’t hurt either - but don’t quote me on that.
The other side of this trend is hypocrisy. These Islamo-fascist retards are in the news every day declaring war on us (the West), our way of life, and our governments. They take every opportunity to burn our flags, call us everything from “non-believers” to “infidels”, violently attack our embassies & their employees, and unleash Islamikaze attacks on innocent civilian populations all over the world. Now, when somebody like the Pope makes reference to these exact behaviors – they get upset? EXCUSE ME? Am I missing something here??? These dirt-bags can insult me and my way of life on the news every night, and then turn around and start demanding apologies because someone supposedly insulted them? How about a nice hot cup of shut-the-hell-up?
While we are still so close to yet another anniversary of the 9\11 terrorist attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania, I don’t particularly enjoy listening to a bunch of radical Muslim jackasses demanding apologies for being insulted, okay? As far as I’m concerned they can all take a flying leap - and the only thing the Pope should apologize for is feeling the need to make excuses for speaking his mind and calling them like he sees them.
In conclusion I would like to offer the “Muslim world” a bit of advice: The next time you are feeling insulted by something might I suggest that instead of resorting to your usual violent outbursts, how about taking a bath, shaving your face, changing out of those dirty pajamas and address your grievances in a forum like the UN. That way, somebody might accidentally mistake you for a civilized society, and a problem – Allah forbid – might actually be resolved in a peaceful adult manner for a change.